I AM MY NIGHTMARE MIRROR

   I love you and I love the hair on your arms and knuckles and how you never look happy    I love when I catch you at the barber shop and you’re sitting next to me and I can see the thin strands of your facial hair from up close    I love your sideburns and I love your moustache also how your eyebrows are all thick and connected, and make your face so expressive      I love your tribal tattoo on the biceps and how your lips never glisten so the curvature of your hips and their synergy with your shoulders    You’re so small and so incredibly fragile with no woes to inspire pity always ready for an act of cowardice      Show your claws with the automatic    Make me feel like a stupid bat    Laugh at me, 6 feet under, blare my organs for juice      I love you, but I love you more when you’re looking at me    Your eyes don’t deserve to be so green or your skin s...

    A birthday like any other    as special as they come    Woke up with the flu    now I can’t do the laundry    Drink my tea, avoid coffee    Maybe roomie will come at noon -  Gotta clean all this poo    and pee, special Betsy    At least someone is happy to see me      Mom remembered, like every year    Gave me the same line as always    Same I’ve heard over 21 times now    Didn’t answer my call, nobody did    Nobody so far, to wake me up at midnight    shake my shoulders and say...    It’s 8a.m. on a Saturday and my bones hurt      Too weak for chores    too sick for ice cream    Dog ate the modem cord     “Lie in bed all day    cartoons will take you away    from this world of chest pains    and misery and oblivion”    But my back ...

    Can’t believe I’m here, waiting    For that old hag to come harass me    With her brown eyes, as dark as mine    And her brown hair, as dark as mine    And her brown eyebrows, as thick as mine    Old hag, witch, bitch, selfish cunt; just like me    She’s just like me, I can’t believe I’m sitting here, waiting      I ask the servant for the time    And of course she’s late, 20 minutes and counting    When she arrives I’m at the door, on my way out    I look down at her, she looks up at me, says,     “Your hair is too long”    My voice cracks mid-answer, I step back in trying to respond     “Did you get a table already?”      There isn’t a word to be said until the drinks arrive    And when they arrive, nothing seems to change    She’s scrolling her Instagram feed, I’m writing this    It ...

    Sun beam through curtain, my alarm    Open eyes, repeat the plan    Breath deep a couple of times    Bunny slippers    Oxblood robe on naked body    All visible to naked eye    Go to the kitchen    eggs and coffee    Back to the room    change of clothes    Walk through the door    commence un desmadre      Sun shines from me    I’m radiant    Keep the chin up    I’ll say good morning first    I’ll make you say good morning back to me    Transform you subservient and    you won’t even know    Break your masculinity disguised with good manners      I’ll fuck your wife if I have to    I’ll fuck your husband for a pint of Jim Beam    Next day in the office you’ll try to act chill    But won’t look me in the eyes    I’ll ...

(outdated version//new version on the book ) after noticing my eyes on you your eyes turned to me saw on my face something I could never describe and they glistened and you looked away my half smile when you looked back was enough to make you lose control and whisper the feeling burning up your throat i love you   and I felt bad for you because that smile was more pity than affection you were lost in me and had no idea of how dark would be the future not knowing the amount of influence I had built up on you lacking the ability to stand up on your jelly legs eaten by the butterflies in your stomach   you’re behind me and I feel your eyes with beams of love covering my body whole and it makes me more and more depressed unable to say a word and start a conversation ashamed of my lack of feeling for you and how I can’t avoid keeping your hopes up only to feed on this blind adulation   one of us has to die tonight pumpkins will be smashed in the backyard and it wont be me for ...

H ug the man, say “Fuck, dude, you smell” Eat ice cream Give a dog the extra strawberries Crash at a new couch, new living room Build a pillow fort Wake up at noon after playing all night And then play some more Try a fuzz pedal for the first time Make it feel like Napalm Death And then Kaya; after that, Sonic Youth Play some Guns’n’Roses — todo mundo conhece “Clube dos Canalhas” Drink ‘til I pass out, awake every ten minutes Dreamlike ventures, streaky, strobing lights Might’ve thrown up at the porch Might’ve exchanged raptures with lab rats Might’ve eaten ice cream before dinner Don’t know what’s happening, dreaming, working when half-sober No one is complaining, people visit Say “wait a minute, I don’t see your ass round these parts in a while” “What can I say, I’ve escaped” We sit down, talk about future projects Talk about reworking the scene from the ground up Make plans for a future not mine, including I “But I won’t be here for long, let’s record some B-sides already” Steal som...

     “ Todos os dias quando acordo, não tenho mais o tempo que passou. Não foi fácil, não é fácil.    [...]    Cuidem de vocês, não se diminuam, usufruam do tempo que ainda tem, seja sagrada(o) para você mesmo. Não dá para mudar o passado, mas dá para aprender com ele, extrair o melhor de tudo e aplicar no presente para construir o futuro.”       “Let the whore into your life    Let the bore encounter strife    May the devil cause no quarrel    As I revel in your peril”      and just like that I can say it’s over    look up to you, see you far away    give up all my hope      doesn’t make sense to want you anymore    rather belittle myself    and revel in a place/non-place of mess—       —of city next to you and neighbor    but not the same, as should be     me younger than you, you ol...

    Bell rings    Open doors    Staircase    Five knocks    Come in      Tears everywhere, it’s so cold they freeze    My face frozen, the face of pain    Or maybe not, maybe less    Maybe just disappointment      No surprise, no news here    Nothing to startle, expected    Somewhat an invitation    Desire’s craving    Craving desires    Poetic stupor      There’s no need to question    Comfortable sofa and we sit on the floor    Porcelain floor    Black porcelain, black walls    Lights out      I want you to fuck me until I’m unable to walk    I want to black out, forget everything that is    I want the bad things to go away    Make me forget everything, start anew    I give up my entitled megalomania...