Black skies

   Bell rings
   Open doors
   Staircase
   Five knocks
   Come in 

   Tears everywhere, it’s so cold they freeze
   My face frozen, the face of pain
   Or maybe not, maybe less
   Maybe just disappointment 

   No surprise, no news here
   Nothing to startle, expected
   Somewhat an invitation
   Desire’s craving
   Craving desires
   Poetic stupor 

   There’s no need to question
   Comfortable sofa and we sit on the floor
   Porcelain floor
   Black porcelain, black walls
   Lights out 

   I want you to fuck me until I’m unable to walk
   I want to black out, forget everything that is
   I want the bad things to go away
   Make me forget everything, start anew
   I give up my entitled megalomania 

   But there’s no such thing as a blackout in the metropolis
   I see you, at half-light, smiling
   If I asked you to kill me right now you would
   Tear out a limb, pull out a tooth
   You want to see me cry so badly 

   I want to cry in front of you, too
   Bleed, give you my baby teeth, locks of hair
   I want to spit inside a jar everyday for a year
   So you can smear my own rotting saliva all over my body
[at the next yuletide
   I want to swallow a knightly greatsword
   And figure on a rack in your living room
   I want the sweet release of death
   And I want you to do it—— 

   ——One day, maybe
   For now I’m just cold
   Not willing to give my all so passionately
   Even if it is for you, even if you truly wanted
   I just want the regular for the maid I messed
   To lap it up clean and repair the crack in my wall 

   “Lucky you a package arrived just today,
   But I was waiting for the weekend
   To make it a surprise.” 

   I’m dragged to the bedroom unceremoniously
   — that sweater is unusable now —
   And receive, with pleasure, a black eye
   [a kick in the guts and a comforting compliment
   With a kiss on the forehead you abandon me
   Tonight is someone else’s turn
   Someone redder
   Wearing a pristine, shiny leather costume
   “I hope you know I love you”   

   Cracking it, clapping sound
   I bite the pillow you’re sitting on
   Bet you can feel the vibration of my muffled screams
   My blood on both of our mouths
   You draw me a heart, it’ll stick like a tattoo
   That could be your murder shtick
   Monsieur Carrigan Zsasz:
   "A declaration of love for the world"
   But instead it’s just for me 

   Bet you love me even more than I do
   I can tell by the way you lick my whole body
   I would lick my whole body too if I could
   But we are marbles, and I respect that 

   I’m hot so I move, disobey
   Lick your leather skin
   Can’t believe you remember that
   As punishment you put your finger a little deeper
   Tearing the muscle apart
   So I bite off a piece of your skirt
   And you touch the bone and we both laugh
   So you take your finger out 

   You never kissed me like this
   Salivating this much
   Moving your hips like a wild animal
   Can’t believe you are making me do this
   Your tongue won’t stop
   Though my canines have penetrated you
   So I do it
   The 1949 Latama stiletto laying next to me is calling my name
   Calling your name
   Kissing you too, à trois, Giltiné
   Like death’s lips, wearing your blood as her rouge 

   When it’s all over
   After the sutures and tourniquets
   Alcohol and gauze and a couple xans
   I watch you sleep soundly, like a baby
   You did your best, though it wasn’t enough
   I still need so much more from you
   And I think you don’t even know that
   Your brain works like a man’s, mine like a woman’s
   We are a misshapen Yin-Yang
   So I’ll leave you to your bed sheets,
   Make a drink to try and warm up
   In this iglu of an apartment 

   “Slip through the cracks
   Into a ghoulish mouth
   That has me eaten away
   For my cardinal sins” 

   Three fingers of Jack, a bottle of Largueza
   Helicopters, expensive cars
   Modern buildings cut the sky
   Modern lights hide the stars
   Completely naked in an apartment not mine
[a quote comes to mind:
   “Love is a striking example of how little reality means to us.”