Just another special day

   A birthday like any other
   as special as they come
   Woke up with the flu
   now I can’t do the laundry
   Drink my tea, avoid coffee
   Maybe roomie will come at noon
-  Gotta clean all this poo
   and pee, special Betsy
   At least someone is happy to see me 

   Mom remembered, like every year
   Gave me the same line as always
   Same I’ve heard over 21 times now
   Didn’t answer my call, nobody did
   Nobody so far, to wake me up at midnight
   shake my shoulders and say...
   It’s 8a.m. on a Saturday and my bones hurt 

   Too weak for chores
   too sick for ice cream
   Dog ate the modem cord
   “Lie in bed all day
   cartoons will take you away
   from this world of chest pains
   and misery and oblivion”
   But my back hurts, 1800 hours
   Nobody else is home and I’m crying

   Needed out of there
   Went out to smell a cigar
   and the cold winds of a wintry weekend
   But the drunk kids were laughing at me
   Sitting alone, at the empty park
   My head hurts, my eyes hurt
   my nose burns; sniffing
   blood into me, coming out of me
   into the sink
   in the public bathroom
   I feel like I’m dying
   inside and outside

   I forgot to charge the camera
   to feed the dog
   to feed myself
   and all the grocery shops are closed
   It’s 08:00p.m., the change in my pocket is not enough
   for the nightly diversions downtown
   So, I sit down and watch
   The couples
   laughing and jeering
   Alone 

   I’m sweating, I got a fever
   A nut fell from the tree, hit my head
   Crimony!, my luck today
   My discomfort
   translated into mad verses on the paper
   How come I don’t truly hate this day yet?
   A new year, a new life
   same old gray on my day’s skies
   I miss my grandpa
   I’ll go home, maybe fry some rice, maybe not
   Maybe drink all the cheap alcohol
   on an empty stomach, in a race
   to catch the sand-man
   Tomorrow will be better
   Tomorrow is not my birthday

 

   Cold showers on the way back home
   When did I get a bottle of vodka? 

   I hope to just wake up better, one day
   There was a roach in my glass of water 

   It’s June
   all mornings are gray
   all days cry 

   I wish someone had something special for me
   but not even I did

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