THE LOST TAPES Vol.42

   White and brown
   Opaque hazel eyes
   Designer blouse and white jeans
   Carries heavy grocery bags
   Decadence in elegance 

   Cut wrists, long gloves
   Empty black eyes
   Stone heart devoid of soul
   Crossed legs, dirty Dr. Martens,
   [sat on the chaise longue
   Elegance in decadence 

***

   Silver Rolex and Polo outfit
   Jack inside the Aquafina bottle 

***

   “Today I found out that doesn’t matter how much I open up to you, you’ll never understand what it means to be worthy of my problems. You will always succumb to your human needs, you will never resist the indifference. I will always lose you, because you’re not what I need. You are so little.
   “A sad reality tis to be so passionate about you vermin, and wish to lower one’s self to the level of such puny beings. And here I am, thinking you could be something you never will: better than yourself. Giving myself up to you, and not even being rejected; only realizing you’d never be in a place to accept a gift so big, or to understand this blessing as such.
   “Regrets. Carrying regrets. Heavy cross on my back, a path of sorrows. You could never understand[...]” 

***

   A cicada’s song may seem perpetual
   But as the dogs will always stop barking  
[from behind the gates
   And the church bells will always stop ringing
   So will cease their regal feast 

***

Of manners blasées, absent of offal
Unusual maiden overruling nature
Flies at dusk breaking glass
Spews in cut bark
It’s a heartless coda 

To eat, sing, fuck and die
No need to bother the agenda
Wanton is all that lives
Regretful is all that loves
What good is a heart? 

***

   She says my doodle is nice
   That the rain really is like that today
   Funny when she pulls out her sketchbook
   And I see my drawing right there
   We’re so much of the same
   Same sketchbook, same style
   Same hands, same brain
   Ideas, bracelets, body and soul
   All the same
   I met myself today
   I talked to myself today
   I feel so sick today
   I’m going insane 

***

   Coming in my direction
   Little brother beside her
   We look into each other’s eyes
   Memories come in intense wave
   Over a decade apart
   But we both remember our history
   We’re closer
   So different from how we once were
   I bite my lower lip
   She’s completely pale
   We fear what could ever come
[from that moment
   We bump shoulders
   Don’t say a thing
   Keep walking, now in opposite directions
   I wonder if one of us will sleep tonight

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