Untitled 05

   A new day,
   A new day,
   Because something happened as I slept through. 

   As my eyes opened, the white light didn’t come from your wings.
   Your presence wasn’t felt,
   Your face wasn’t kissed. 

   As my eyes opened I couldn’t question anymore.
   Everything was just certain.
   Getting up wasn’t right. 

   So I kept my eyes opened
   And cried until there were no more tears,
   For your hands weren’t there to comfort me. 

   Today I regret my enmity towards photographs.
   Today I betrayed my eternal vow towards you.
   Today I forgot your face. 

   I've realized, finally, that I cannot remember everything.
   I've realized, finally, that even you would one day vanish.
   I've realized, finally, that at this point I’m better off dead. 

   Could I even say I love you more than anything, now?
   Are you even real anymore?
   How come you left me alone again? 

   You know what I noticed today?
   The bedroom roof is beige;
   Color-harbinger, the cool of a death bed. 

   So many of my tragedies are accompanied by the beige,
   So many misfortunes, so many losses, so many regrets.
   You didn’t meet her, but Sofia was one of those. 

   The house I lived in at the time had a beige roof
   But I didn’t noticed it until the distress call,
   And now I see this color will haunt me forever. 

   I wonder if the heaven is beige,
   My alémorte sure is, I hope yours too.
   But I also hope to share mine with you. 

   When I couldn’t feel the burning in my eyes anymore
   I went back to feeling nothing
   And my brain shut down. 

   Black,
   Noire,
   Nero, 

   Enveloped in tar,
   Asphyxiation in the void,
   Ethereal death in oblivion. 

   How I wish I was dead.
   How I wish I wasn’t writing this.
   How I wish I could see you just one more time. 

   To keep going is to live a lie, don’t you understand?
   Why did you make me love life so much?
   Who gave you the right to abandon me like that? 

   I cannot live without your light.
   The memory of you has always been my most prized possession,
   I cannot be me without you. 

   When I came back to my senses it was night already.
   The cat was watching me.
   I saw in her eyes that my time had come;

   but there were bars on the windows.
   Can I even count this as an attempt?
   When did it get so bad?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Untitled 04

Hi Hello How are you feeling today? Not much. What about you? I’m here. Yes, you are. Yep. I am. Why are you here? Do I need a reason? (How does one fill the silence that follows?) ***    I remember that afternoon. That strange afternoon when you told me to shut up, to not be a bitch, and I was too overwhelmed by my own feelings to see that you were crying too. To be fair, you were doing the dishes, I could only see your back every time I opened my eyes, through the blurry haze of painful tears. The sweat got into my eyes, and you know how it hurts when you just finish a coat of sunscreen and sweat get into your eyes, right? Double-pain, mourn on the necrotic-narcotic, you knew my friend had died just last night. I know you know that ‘cause he was your friend too. You got his cool Merzbow collection, and said it’s ours, you said I could take the first run 1996 Pulse Demon used CD with me after we listened to it together. You know how to cheer me up, how to make me smile through my pain
Read more

home at last

   We arrive, finally, at the building’s front door. Out of the car and barely able to stay on my feet I sit on the sidewalk, back to the wall, waiting for Priscilla to find the keys amongst the mess in her backpack.     “You know what just came to mind?” I ask.     “That you are way too hungry to be spending this much time looking for keys and we should just crash at the dumpster tonight for christ’s sake? Maybe order some pizza?” She replied, clearly fed up to give a shit but doing her best not to break my heart.    But I was too numb to care, and responded,     “No, I was thinking about Bovary. Did you feed her this week?”     “Of course I did, what? If I didn’t papa would come back to life and beat my ass. He loves these fucking cats more than me.”     She finds the keys after a while, but not before the manager comes down to check what was going on and open the door for us.      Today was one of those rare days I let myself inside an elevator, but not willingly, not at all, just o
Read more

Monster Society

     Monster Society is the name of this band I found in the good-old Google+ times. They managed, somehow, to send e-mails to every single youngling in the small town we lived in, promising that, if we came to their first show, we’d live an unforgettable experience. Surprisingly enough, only a fistful of people showed up, and even in the open the smell of hairspray was strong. We all met in front of an abandoned house said to be the main stage, although not a single life form was on sight. Supposed to begin at 03:00AM, it only actually started an hour later, now with less than half the crowd that first showed up. I don’t think they wanted a life-changing experience.    Way too loud, an electric guitar started screaming from inside the house, a close-to-unbearable noise followed by the sound of a chainsaw that tore a hole on the rotten wood of the garage door, letting us see the poorly-lit juggalo skinheads that could barely manage their instruments. One of them was distorting the soun
Read more