THE LOST TAPES Vol.13

   As the sky gets darker and darker
   And the winds get stronger and stronger
   I roll down the window and there,
   Right there is the only moment a car is worth a dime 

   And when the autobahn shows its endless body in a moment of debauchery
   Under gray skies — the ground is gray, too — you fly, stuck to the ground
   Powerful as only god is meant to be
   But still a tool for what’s above him 

   Mechanical weapon handled by a flesh mechanism
   Infinite ideas trot like hallucinations over the seemingly endless roads
   Chevaliers ready to kill any natives in their path, to steal bison, are nothing but you
   And you are nothing but an intricate collection of you 

   I reek of wine i’m yowling in a hollow saffron road
   shouting fuck yous left and right like it’s christmas
   thinking about the deer i would not avoid running over
   as a middle finger for the years to come 

***

   “You remember that verse, right?, from that CD we listened to that one time. I remember like, it went something like this, ‘You harden then your limbs break”. And it’s about how you harden, right?, as you grow up and gather experiences and such, but being harder doesn’t mean being tougher, it just makes you fragile, more breakable, brittle, whatever.”
   “Not gonna lie, you had your five minutes of philosophy right there, because that is not what’s in the song. I believe it is ‘your heart and then your limbs break’. Probably something with suicide.”
   “Oh, my...”
   “But think about it, does it make sense hardening up and still being brittle?”
   “I guess not?”
   “No, much au contraire, it does make sense. Everybody has their own ways of dealing with stuff. Some will take their experiences and harden to a rubber ball, others to a marble statue. Very few, if any marble statues from before christ are in perfect shape today, but I don’t know of any kid that managed to break a rubber ball the more they tried. In a way, your idea is like that one from the meme, right?, the one with the pink blob coming out of the box. Pink blob hardened with the confidence found in rare experiences, but in their first step, a slip made them regret the move, that is, in the form of a punch from reality itself. That represents the limbs breaking, get it? The limbs of a marble statue that toppled over.”
   “Oh, god. So does that mean I’m Kant or something?”
   “Yes.” 

***

   She enters the room but before her comes cloud, a cloud of her with that sweet smell of always. The sweet smell of our first date. The sweet smell that impregnated the hospital bed when you broke your leg in three different spots. Your cloud comes before you, but before that you, you come as an object, a figment, who knows, of my imagination, one I talk to in means of preparing for when the other you actually goes through the door, and then your cloud comes and I say my welcome, and then you come in without knocking through the door I left open for you to enter without the need of knocking first, but when I see you, when you come in, I don’t know what to say.
   Seeing you gave me this kind of first impression of the sweet pungent smell you can’t even feel anymore for how accustomed you grew to it, but I forgot, you know, it’s been three months already. Three months, seven days, fourteen hours and my heart might be counting the minutes too, and my passion, it’s very true, the seconds. But all I know, all I really know, is that you are not the same from how long ago. You changed. You changed all you, you changed. You’re at a point now that, I must say, I can’t really describe, and my stubborn self wants to say that I don’t know you anymore, but I do, and do know you very well, I do.

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