THE LOST TAPES Vol. 2

    Robert and Lily were the happiest couple I've ever met. Passing through the street they lived in meant being greeted with dirty paw marks and happy licks all over. They were dogs, by the way, and shared a nice little dog house owned by Lily; Robert slept on the porch because he was too big. I've played with them countless times, and even gifted them some treats from the local pet shop. Robert and Lily brightened plenty of my gray mornings and became real friends.
   Lily was la plus douce chienne covered in short caramel fur, and Robert was a huge black dog that resembled Leviathan; and despite their differences, they were perfect for each other, living happily together their whole lives.
   On a Monday morning I went to work as always, expecting to play with them on the way, but upon arrival all I found was a very sad Robert silently watching Lily sleep inside the dog house. I called him. "Hey, boy.” He noticed me and walked slowly in my direction. I pet him, but he doesn't seem to care. He looked sick, sad, weak, nothing like the good boy I once met. "What's wrong, dear? Where's Lily?" And as if he understood my every word, pointed at the little wooden house with his nose. I tried approaching it, but his humor suddenly changed and the growling let me know I should not go any further.
   The next morning came, and I ran to their street to have more time to work with the situation at hand. But they were not there. In fact, they haven't showed up yet, and today marks the second anniversary of the last time I petted one of my best friends.
   They vanished, absolutely, and I try not to think about it much, but it's hard not to imagine the worst outcome[...] 

***

   Expectations at the end of the fortnight
   Miscarriages at the start of the month
   Homicides at the end of the night
   Hand washings at the start of the day 

   The breakfast starts at seven
   The work ends at seven
   The fatigue starts right now
   The sex ends in two minutes 

   Happiness is nowhere to be seen
   Achievements are right there
   Passion is nowhere to be seen
   But the people are right there 

   My life as a bottomless pit

***

   Sitting here alone with this bottle of liquor makes me feel like I have sinned, and am now on repentance. The aftermath of the bite on the forbidden fruit, the eviction from the Eden, now roaming without goal, without purpose, without joy on the path of my second life.
   So sad I have to chain this notebook to my wrist in order to find it the next day, after my drunk misadventures. So sad the sun is never out when I go out. So sad I can feel God frowning upon me, with all his thunders and perfect gray clouds. Everything is gray in the metropolis; the green, the beige, the neon at night and the darkness of night life traversé çà et là par de brillants soleils, so many, a worse second day in the after dark, but I lay low under the radar and beside the broken lamppost.
   I take a sip now and then, I look around, I see nobody. No one’s listening to my childish jokes. No delinquent teenage gangs, no serial killers, no rapists, I fail even at being an easy prey.
   I look at the trees, and at the cracked pavement, and the stars in the sky, and the dead leaves of grass and I think I want to roll over them, but I don’t, what if someone sees? That would be the end of me. I should stay put and wait for the sun to rise up. I’m almost finished with this bottle.
   “HELP ME I KILLED A MAN” I just screamed, but the reality around me pretends I’m not there. I’m being ignored by the trees and the cracked pavement and the stars in the sky and the leaves of dead grass and the creep hiding in that bush right there. 

   I peed again and I broke a bottle on the bench I was sitting on. I tried to scrape it off but ended up red handed.
   I so want to be a diversion to a sick fuck.
   Why did I wipe my hand on my coat? Now it really looks like I killed someone. I try to see myself in the third person, but the image repulses me. Did I touch my face? Will I scare the runners that will arrive soon since the sun is showing the tip of his member[...]